Honest Game Trailers - Kirby's Return to Dreamland
by FadeToBlackNinja
Summary: Another honest trailer! I like doing these things, and I decided to do one on one of my favorite games on the Wii, Kirby's Return to Dreamland!


**The following trailer is rated H for Honest.**

(Starts off with lighter tone) From the Company that has created three characters with an eating disorder. (Nintendo – Mario, Yoshi & Kirby)

Comes the next epic story within the Kirby franchise…that really doesn't have any story at all. But is still totally awesome! Because all you really wanna do is just smash stuff with that giant ass sword you saw in the Gamexplain trailers!

 **Kirby's Return to Dreamland!**

Kirby's BACK! And this time he's brought his posse' in order to bring more murder! More Chaos! More torturous weaponry! (Shows bombs, spears, hammers, swords that Kirby & the other characters use on enemies)

And an S & M Fetish! (Shows Whip Kirby, then plays "Whip it Good" by Devo)

I don't know whether to think that's Kinky or just plain sick.

Kirby's latest adventure is finally here! As an unknown visitor from afar crash lands on planet popstar, and once he befriends our hefty heroes, Kirby & his friends have to help him fix his ship so he can go home & defeat a dragon known as Landia.

Y'know, because that doesn't sound like the bare bones of three plots mixed into one. (Shows the plots too E.T, Alien Hominid, & Dragon's Lair)

Meet Magolor, who looks like the result of Vivi from final fantasy & Rayman doing it in King Dedede's throne room. Oh trust us, we haven't even gotten to the "Kirby Sucks" Jokes yet. There's gonna be way more later on.

His purpose in life is to go straight back home and defeat the powerful hydra dragon known as Landia, who holds the master crown, can split apart and re-attach it's heads like a zombie, shoot fireballs like a normal dragon, can somehow emit electricity like an abnormal dragon, and loves playing pre-school games like "Catch the fireball"!

Remember kids, Kirby has Explosives, blades & knives, S & M, Playing with fire & a small pink puffball sucking on everything he sees. This is totally for you!

(Voice gets deeper) BUT, when all is said and done, watch as Magolor thanks you by pulling off one of the biggest betrayals in all of video game history! …. That we honestly saw coming a mile away.

I mean…. It's not like the game hinted at any more bad guys in the game itself. Obviously he's the only one. C'mon you think this Hercules Chibi Hydra thing could be the final boss?!

Tch. In your dreams.

But as we said before, Kirby's not walking down the yellow brick road by himself this time! As he's brought along his friends for the ultimate Ride of a lifetime!

There's King Dedede, a fat, selfish, lazy, idiotic, hammer-wielding penguin….thing. He's been Kirby's enemy for the longest time, but all of a sudden he will decide to join Kirby on his greatest quest yet!

Eh. I guess he figured "I got nothing else to do in this game Nintendo. "Why not?" .

There's also meta knight, the most badass character in the franchise, the character with the coolest sounding voice in the anime, the hardest boss too defeat in the game series over all, and the character everyone hates in smash!

You KNOW Meta Knight is Bulls**t in smash! WHY IS HE EVEN AVAILABLE IN THE FOURTH ONE?!

And for some strange reason, you get to also play as a character that doesn't even talk. Waddle dee!... Who is basically a carbon copy of the new spear ability in the game. Literally, talk about useless.

Speaking of! Kirby's awesome copy abilities are back! Kirby's rocking some wickedly twisted powers and has a new arsenal of torture waiting for his enemies to come so he can feed his sick desires of getting off on other people's pain!

There's the fire ability, which allows you to glitch the game and ram your face on the walls constantly so you can avoid pits, fly over pits, ram into enemies, and spam one of the most OP moves in the game.

Speaking of OP, there's the Spark ability, which is basically the go-to OP bulls**t ability for noobs.

And there's even brand new ones! Like….

The one that allows you to f**k logic in the ass. (Spear – Shows the clip of the Spear Copter)

The one that fans wanted in the games and not in the anime. (Water)

The one that turns Kirby into Indiana Jones. (Whip)

And…. The one that allows you to do the hula! (Leaf)

But that's still not enough destruction for this homicidal maniac!

Introducing Kirby's greatest weapons to date! THE SUPER ABILITES!

There's Ultra Sword! The one that you saw in the trailers that raised a lot of questions… LIKE…

How is Kirby even holding a sword that big?

Where is he getting all of these bladed weapons from?

Why the hell is he wielding a swordfish? They're noses aren't even that sharp!

Also there's Monster Flare. The one that further proves that for children in the right context, this game is NIGHTMARE FUEL.

Kinda Ironic isn't it?

There's Flare Beam! The one that had the most potential…. And yet we only get too control a giant ball of electricity when we could shoot a giant lazer instead. Ugh…..

There's also Snow bowl, the ability that makes use of an outdated slapstick joke that was only popular in the 90's.

And finally there's Grand Hammer! Which has three levels of power, and yet you can't move while using it, you have to use it in specific spots to find out what it can hit, it's the ability that has the most confusing puzzles, and is also infuriating to use on cliffs!

(Shows a clip of someone using Grand Hammer and getting a game over on a cliff)

AW COME ON!

 **STARRING….**

A GAY PORN STAR (Kirby)

THE PENGUIN (King Dedede)

THE MASK OF ZORRO (Meta Knight)

A CRIPS GANG MEMBER (Waddle Dee)

MIDGETLORD (Magolor)

SPYRO THE DRAGON (Landia)

And…. ALL OF THESE AWESOME COPY ABILITIES! There's a lot to work with guys so… please bear with us!

RAGING FLAMER KIRBY (Fire)

JESTER KIRBY (Beam)

SET US UP THE BOMB KIRBY (Bomb)

APOCALYPSE KIRBY (Crash)

CUT THE YELLOW CHEESE KIRBY (Cutter)

RYU FROM STREET FIGHTER KIRBY (Fighter)

WHACK-A-MOLE KIRBY (Hammer)

SUPERMAN KIRBY (Hi-Jump)

ELSA KIRBY (Ice)

VILLAGE HIDDEN IN THE LEAVES KIRBY (Leaf)

YOKO ONO KIRBY (Mike)

PORCUPINE KIRBY (Needle)

NARUTO KIRBY (Ninja)

USELESS KIRBY (Sleep)

PERRY THE PARASOL KIRBY (Parasol)

OP AS F**K KIRBY (Spark)

INDIAN KIRBY (Spear)

ROCK HARD KIRBY (Stone)

LINK KIRBY (Sword)

WIND WAKER KIRBY (Tornado)

I GET THE BITCHES WET KIRBY (Water)

INDIANA JONES KIRBY (Whip)

BIRD KIRBY (Wing)

LINK ON STEROIDS KIRBY (Ultra Sword)

NATSU DRAGNEEL KIRBY (Monster Flare)

ELECTRICIAN KIRBY (Flare Beam)

RIDICULOUS-HAT WEARING KIRBY (Snow Bowl)

And…. HAMMER TIME KIRBY! (Grand Hammer)

 **KIRBY SUCKS ON EVERYTHING. PSYCHOPATHIC SEX OFFENDER EDITION!**

Huh…. I don't think we made enough "Kirby sucks" Jokes.


End file.
